Apparently Life Begins at 40...Yeah right!

Sunday, December 24, 2006



58.At Christmas you shudder carving the turkey because it reminds you of the reflection you see when you step out the shower.


57.The clothes that were bought for you at Christmas no longer fit you at New Years because you have inexplicably grown during the festive season. How could that be!!?

Sunday, December 17, 2006


I've made a little film, or e-book of the material so far... Whatcha reckon?

Thursday, December 14, 2006

56. You find bits of facial wash stuck in a crease in your face.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

55. As you grow older your sarcastic wit is replaced with an unhealthy cynicism…unless you’re a teacher.

Monday, December 11, 2006

54.You look at some old photos of yourself, and cannot believe you are one in the same person. The things you did and thought then were so different to where you do and think now. It’s as though he was abducted at some point, replaced by you, a slower fatter version, who likes gardening and herbal tea.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

53.You get some leathers to wear on your newly bought motor bike, catch a glance at yourself in a mirror only to find that you look like a kinky leather clad Teletubby.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

52.You start developing bad little habits. Picking hard bogies from your nose and dropping them in the waste bin next to you is a good one. Just don’t do it whilst eating Bombay Mix.

Friday, December 08, 2006

51.Saying the type of things that your dad would say and knowing that you are doing it, but you just can’t stop yourself.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

50.You watch King Kong and think “If he can pull, so can I!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

49. You get to the stage where getting drunk for no reason, seems pointless.

Monday, December 04, 2006

48.You find yourself in the women’s hair dye section of a chemist, without even thinking about it.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

47.That rough and rugged unshaved look, now just looks ragged and rough. Pass the Brasso.

Friday, December 01, 2006

46. It’s bad enough policemen being younger than you, but now even the Lollypop lady is looking quite fit.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

45.You find yourself saying ”I was young once you know.” and not believing it yourself.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

44.You drive out to the seaside and feel the desire to stay put in the car and just watch the sea from the car park. This urge will get stronger and stronger the older you get, until the age of 60 when you will finally succumb and pack sandwiches for the trip.

Monday, November 27, 2006

43.Actually look through the Screwfix catalogue. Your interest in all tools becomes almost sexual … like the 40 year olds equivalent to porn.

Sunday, November 26, 2006


42.Not thinking about sex for over 10 minutes

Saturday, November 25, 2006

41.When your old un-fashionable wardrobe becomes fashionable again.

Friday, November 24, 2006

40. You find talking about plumbing to your friends interesting.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

39. A mole moves from the front of your belly to the side as your stomach pushes it round to your back.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


38.You notice you have created a stencil of Bombay mix in the shape of your ass on the sofa when you get up to go to bed at night.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

37.You get a shed and potter round the garden or worse still, dream about getting a shed and pottering around the garden.

Monday, November 20, 2006


36.You want technology to stop, or at least have a breaks and a cup of tea, so you can get your breath and catch up.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

35.You feel obliged to have a mid life crisis.

Saturday, November 18, 2006


34.You actually think you can hear your bathroom scales sniggering as you leave the room.

Friday, November 17, 2006


33.When your idea of “roughing it” is going to Center Parcs.

Thursday, November 16, 2006


32. Fifty year olds start having more in common with you than thirty year olds.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

31. Bruce Forsythe starts looking younger to you...
30.Get depressed that Snooker is now a young mans game.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

29.When you sneeze it looks like a small hairy rodent trying to escape from your nose.
28.You got off the “popular culture” bus to get yourself some boiled sweets and it pulls off leaving you behind

Saturday, November 11, 2006

27.You make an AAAAH noise when you sit on the grass.

Friday, November 10, 2006

26.It’s a given you won’t be able to perform the same aerobic displays as teenagers but plain depressing that you haven’t even a hope to match the speed they text at

Thursday, November 09, 2006

25.The aroma of Deep Heat becomes part of your signature smell.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


24.“Comfort” becomes a keyword in selecting shoes.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

23.You can’t remember the last time you had a good memory.

Monday, November 06, 2006

22. When Viagra becomes one of the much bandied around words on your Birthday cards.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

21. The Birthday cake candles make you bust out into a sweat.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

20. Your willy goes on holiday behind the island of Gut.

Friday, November 03, 2006


19.You get a corkscrew on your car keys.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

18. You put teenagers off their music if you pretend to like it.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


17. The eyesight begins to fail, which begins to help out at the playground.*
*1.You begin to notice when you drop your children off at school, that less and less of the mums are as hot they used to be, as they age along with you.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

16. You consider the new Star Wars movies as rubbish but still feel the need to buy the Boxset.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

15. All your tee shirts start to develop stretch marks.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

14. Your belly button goes from an ‘innie’ to an ‘outtie’.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006


13. When the doctor actually starts to take your complaints of aches and pains seriously.

Monday, October 23, 2006

12. You have to exercise rigorously just to retain the pear shape you already have. Plus, now you have chub friction rashes where your sweaty skin rubs during these intense workouts...nice.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

11. You grow a goatee to approximate a jaw-line.

Friday, October 20, 2006

10. You just want a nice quiet pint.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

9. You have the money to drive the flash convertible, only to be too embarrassed to be seen driving round with the roof down.