16. You consider the new Star Wars movies as rubbish but still feel the need to buy the Boxset.

15. All your tee shirts start to develop stretch marks.

14. Your belly button goes from an ‘innie’ to an ‘outtie’.

13. When the doctor actually starts to take your complaints of aches and pains seriously.

12. You have to exercise rigorously just to retain the pear shape you already have. Plus, now you have chub friction rashes where your sweaty skin rubs during these intense workouts...nice.

11. You grow a goatee to approximate a jaw-line.

10. You just want a nice quiet pint.

9. You have the money to drive the flash convertible, only to be too embarrassed to be seen driving round with the roof down.

8. Driving at 40 miles an hour feels more like driving at 60.

7. Your sex drive decides to pull over and park for long periods.

6. As you mature new mass begins to grow, first it's hidden but as the years pass and it grows bigger and bigger it surfaces beyond the bath water. Welcome to Gut Island!

5. You run and your gut seems to runs 3 steps behind you complaining all the way.

4. You develop an unhealthy mistrust of machinery. Speed cameras, the newest mobile phones and weighing scales being the main culprits

3. When you are 20 you feel like you know everything, but now I'm old enough to know I'm not wise enough.

2. Older friends assure you that 40 is a good age….What!!!…It gets worse?!!

1. You begin to notice when you drop your children off at school, that less and less of the mums are as hot they used to be, as they age along with you.

As you've probably guessed, I have recently turned 40. It's a milestone. People will tell you."Life Begins at 40". Unfortunately, I do not share this view, you see, I'd prefer to be 30. It all started for me when I was about 22. I was out socializing with friends when I started feeling my left leg going numb. Fearing the worst, I made my excuses any hobbled off home. Walking seemed to make it deteriorate even more, so when I finally made it to the couch I was in a right state.
It wasn't until I undid my 28 inch baggy trousers that it all became horribly clear to me as the wet sensation of blood ran into my buttocks, I realized my trousers were too tight. My blood had been cut off from my leg by the forces of my expanding trunk.The heady days of the 28 inch waist had passed me by. My waistline was putting its foot down and accelerating. From there on in, it was downhill all the way.

This blog will be a testiment to why"Life Begins to Suck at 40"