45.You find yourself saying ”I was young once you know.” and not believing it yourself.

44.You drive out to the seaside and feel the desire to stay put in the car and just watch the sea from the car park. This urge will get stronger and stronger the older you get, until the age of 60 when you will finally succumb and pack sandwiches for the trip.

43.Actually look through the Screwfix catalogue. Your interest in all tools becomes almost sexual … like the 40 year olds equivalent to porn.

42.Not thinking about sex for over 10 minutes

41.When your old un-fashionable wardrobe becomes fashionable again.

40. You find talking about plumbing to your friends interesting.

39. A mole moves from the front of your belly to the side as your stomach pushes it round to your back.

38.You notice you have created a stencil of Bombay mix in the shape of your ass on the sofa when you get up to go to bed at night.

37.You get a shed and potter round the garden or worse still, dream about getting a shed and pottering around the garden.

36.You want technology to stop, or at least have a breaks and a cup of tea, so you can get your breath and catch up.

35.You feel obliged to have a mid life crisis.

34.You actually think you can hear your bathroom scales sniggering as you leave the room.

33.When your idea of “roughing it” is going to Center Parcs.

32. Fifty year olds start having more in common with you than thirty year olds.

31. Bruce Forsythe starts looking younger to you...

30.Get depressed that Snooker is now a young mans game.

29.When you sneeze it looks like a small hairy rodent trying to escape from your nose.

28.You got off the “popular culture” bus to get yourself some boiled sweets and it pulls off leaving you behind

27.You make an AAAAH noise when you sit on the grass.

26.It’s a given you won’t be able to perform the same aerobic displays as teenagers but plain depressing that you haven’t even a hope to match the speed they text at

25.The aroma of Deep Heat becomes part of your signature smell.

24.“Comfort” becomes a keyword in selecting shoes.

23.You can’t remember the last time you had a good memory.

22. When Viagra becomes one of the much bandied around words on your Birthday cards.

21. The Birthday cake candles make you bust out into a sweat.

20. Your willy goes on holiday behind the island of Gut.

19.You get a corkscrew on your car keys.

18. You put teenagers off their music if you pretend to like it.

17. The eyesight begins to fail, which begins to help out at the playground.*

*1.You begin to notice when you drop your children off at school, that less and less of the mums are as hot they used to be, as they age along with you.